I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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