she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
