I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
