Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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