Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
