Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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