yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
