The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
