I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
