Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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