You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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