after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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