a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
