it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
