he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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