I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's JV to your varsity
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
