you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
