He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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