At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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