I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
