Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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