I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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