An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
