I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
