I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
