Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
