Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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