you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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