i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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