Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
