mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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