Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are we still banned from the library?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
