is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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