Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
