Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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