im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
