we have officially lost it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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