Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
