I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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