So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
