I'm so fucking centered right now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
