Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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