I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
