break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
are you so shy because you have an std?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
vagina is talking i cant
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
