Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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