i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
