My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
