One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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