this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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