He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
