Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone shit on the floor
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
