I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
