It's like God shit irony all over that family
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
