you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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