Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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