You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
