just tell him i said nine months
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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