so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
